New Goodies!

As very few of you know, I will be departing for California this afternoon. While I am having a wicked awesome time riding rollercoasters, going to the beach, and, ironically, seeing the musical Wicked, you will all be stuck in your various homes wishing you were me. This is an undeniable truth. Luckily for you, I shall be leaving you with a wonderous and magical post on the difference between widescreen and fullscreen aspects! Woot!

Widescreen is when you have the little black bars at the top and bottom of you television screen. While this can be annoying for those people who still have a square television and have yet to upgrade to a rectangle one, it is the better aspect over fullscreen. Fullscreen fills the entire television screen, but there is a drawback. To do this, they (they being the DVD maker people) cut off the ends of the scene and focus in on the action of the film. You are literally losing pieces of the movie by choosing fullscreen over wide.

Some may ask, “who cares if I lose the ends as long as I see the action?”. Well those people obviously have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to movies and I will not answer the question on principle. Okay, I can’t help it. If you are losing pieces of the movie then you are not experiencing the full majesty of the film! So, if you must, go out and buy a rectangle television so you aren’t “straining your eyes” to see the movie with the bars on the top and bottom.

Another problem solved by the Amazing Ashley. And to continue with the good news, here are some goodies for your enjoyment.

Underrated movie of the post: The Emperor’s New Groove. This is by far one of David Spade’s better films simply because he isn’t actually on screen. Okay, not really. This film is highly enjoyable for all ages and David Spade and John Goodman do a wonderful job lending their voices to the characters. I could literally watch this film over and over again and probably have.

Movies to see: Wanted and Wall-E were released today. Wanted you should see because James McAvoy is awesome and shirtless at some point (oh and for all of you deluded men, Angelina is probably naked at some point seeing as that is the only way to get people to see her movies now-a-days). Wall-E just looks adorable. How they made a robot have cute little faces and emotions is beyond me. It looks like Disney crapped out another winner. Oh and Emperor’s New Groove.

(New goodie) Conspiracy theory of the post: Disney and Oprah could take over the world. Think about it, she takes on the older generation while Disney programs the children. And remember, you heard it here first!

(New goodie) As few of you know, I have another movie game I enjoy playing that no one is willing to let me play and it’s called Name 7. I made it up so you know it’s good. The point of the game is to take an actor and try to name at least 7 films they have been in. If it’s one person playing you try for 7 but if someone helps you then you, as a group, have to go for 10. Oh and sequels and what-not only count as one (i.e. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc.). So here it goes:
Name 7 Angelina Jolie (easy): Tomb Raiders, Wanted, The Good Shepard, A Shark’s Tale, Kung Fu Panda, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, The Bone Collector.

James McAvoy was in Becoming Jane with Julie Walters who was in Harry Potters with Alan Rickman who was in Love, Actually with Laura Linney who was in Mystic River with Kevin Bacon: 4 steps.

Until I return, loyal readers.

New Movie Tuesday!

Alright, there are 4 note-worthy DVDs that have been released today. I've only seen 2 of the 4, but I do plan on seeing the others for various reasons that will be stated below.

Definitely, Maybe - First and foremost, this movie stars Ryan Reynolds and Rachel Weisz, two extremely awesome actors. You should at least rent it for them. Next, if you have a uterus you will love this movie. It's a classic chick flick, the kind where you force a dude to see it with you. I won't go into detail about the plot, but it's about a father (Reynolds) who tells the story of the 3 serious girlfriends he had before she was born and she has to guess which one is her mother with simultaneous flashbacks into the story. Very cheesy, but very cute.

10,000 B.C. - This is an action flick for all you guys out there. And for the ladies, Steven Straight with his shirt off and just a little butt-flap. Need I say more? I saw this movie with some of my male cousins and they unfortunately weren't please with the pace of the movie or the frequency of the action scenes. I however was pleased with the story as a whole. It is very ingenious, intricate, and well thought out. No proverbial stone was left unturned.

Spiderwick Chronicles - I didn't see this movie for one reason: it looked a little too young for me (and for someone who loves kids' movies, that's saying something). However, I had been planning all along to get it on Netflix when it comes out and I will do just that. So if you would like a more interesting analysis, you're going to have to wait a while. Or just rent it and see for yourself.

In Bruges - This is an indie film starring Colin Farrell and Ralph Fiennes (pronounced: Ray Fines. I kid you not. I'll do another post on how stupid foreign names sound). It's about hit men and mob bosses in Europe somewhere (I'm thinking Bruges, but you never know). Shoot 'em up movies are good ones in my book so I'll be putting this one above Spiderwick on my queue. I know that things with Colin Farrell are crap-shoots (case in point: Alexander) but I'm going to give it a shot.

So that wraps up New Movie Tuesday, but stay tuned for your daily dose of goodies!

Underrated movie of the post: Look Who's Talking. This little classic stars John Travolta and Kirstie Alley (before she went...well downhill) and, as the voice of the baby, Bruce Willis!! This All-American action hero holds the number one place at the top of my Old Man Crush list because not only is he still good looking at his age, but he is a universal actor that can do anything!

Movies to see: Definitely, Maybe; 10,000 B.C.; Spiderwick Chronicles; In Bruges; Look Who's Talking; and all of the Die Hards for some good old-fashioned Bruce Willis time.

Colin Farrell was in Alexander with Val Kilmer who was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon: 3 steps

Blu-Ray is Overrated.

Working at a DVD store has allowed me to deal with a variety of questions and concerns such as: Why are your prices so much more than Wal-Mart/Target?; Why isn't this insanely rare movie that no one but myself has ever heard of on DVD?; Can you sell me that new release four days before you're supposed to at risk to you keeping your job for me a complete stranger?; and, the doosie, Will I have to replace all of my DVDs with Blu-Rays like I did with my VHS tapes?

First, allow me to inform you readers who are unaware of these new-fangled Blu-Ray discs. They are pretty much the same movie (some extra features are exclusive, but that's about it) but in "high-definition" for all your HD TVs. I can understand wanting crystal clear picture that makes you feel as though you are right there in the action, but what I cannot understand is paying out of your you-know-where for something that is barely, barely different from the regular DVD alternative.
This rant does come with a side note and that is that I have technically never witnessed the "awesome quality" of a Blu-Ray disc, but I'm proud of that fact. And you know what? I honestly believe that if I did, I wouldn't know the difference so I'm not going to pay twenty dollars more for a movie nor am I going to pay hundreds of dollars more for the special machine that plays them.

Now allow me to explain why I tell my customers that Blu-Ray will not take over DVDs. DVDs took over VHS tapes because they are dynamically more efficient: you don't have to rewind to get to the beginning, you can skip or choose a chapter instead of fast forwarding, they will last longer than the film in VHS tapes would, they are smaller and less bulky when storing them in your huge DVD bookcase that I will someday have (here's hoping!).
The only "dynamic" difference between DVD and Blu-Ray is the supposed higher quality of picture. They are the same size and offer the same features and yet they are extremely higher in price.

So I am suggesting that you do not run out to purchase any of these special machines or discs because, frankly, you'll be wasting your money. Unless of course Blu-Ray invents a way to make their discs produce crack cocaine so you can try to make up those lost funds.

To lighten my ranty mood:

Underrated movie of the post: Sahara. If you haven't heard of Clive Cussler's Dirk Pitt novels, I suggest you run over to the Barnes (or just click on the link I have so generously provided) and pick one up. He's not uber-popular so you should be able to find a cheap one (just make sure it's Dirk Pitt) and enjoy. I've never read a better action/adventure book by any other author. But back to the movie. In case you hadn't guessed, it is based off of Cussler's book "Sahara" and stars Matthew McConaughey, Steve Zahn, and Penelope Cruz. If you are one of the few who can stand McConaughey's cocky persona then you will enjoy the movie thoroughly, but if not you will LOVE Steve Zahn's cooky side-kick-ness and the action-packed story itself.

Underrated actor of the post: Steve Zahn. He's been around forever (You've Got Mail) yet very few know him by name. I believe this must end. He's fantastic and hilarious. For shame on you who do not know. Educate yourselves!

Steve Zahn movies to see: Sahara (obviously), but there's also Riding in Cars with Boys, Saving Silverman, You've Got Mail, That Thing You Do!, and, although I haven't seen it yet myself, Strange Wilderness. It just looks great.

Matthew McConaughey was in Two for the Money with Al Pacino who was in Ocean's 13 with Brad Pitt who was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon: 3 steps

I know that I've used Brad Pitt and Sleepers for the last couple games, but at least it's not Laura Linney and Mystic River. She's in everything!

Apologies

I know that it has been 4 whole days since I've posted a blog, but I was trying to teach you a lesson. You can't expect me to just show up every day and be witty! It's hard work and I think I used up my reserves of funny in the first four posts. Thus, I took a break to recharge.
Okay, none of that's true. I was just working a lot and didn't get around to it, but I think what I said above was much better.

So I've decided that on Fridays and Tuesdays I will do all that is in my power to write a blog and inform the masses. You may be wondering: Why those days? You see, Fridays are the days when movies come out in theaters whereas Tuesdays are the days when movies come out on DVD.
I know I've already missed out on Friday, but Tuesday is still to come and that is my day off so I would bet on an amazing post that day. But allow me to make up for yesterday.

Today is Friday the 20th of June and, yes, you've just gone back in time.

Today The Love Guru comes out in theaters. I don't know about you, but I am kind of excited about this. Mike Myers hasn't done a crazy movie in quite some time since The Cat in the Hat bombed its way into the box office 2003. Sure, he's done Shrek (which I just found out there is to be a fourth) and those are great, but I've been waiting and now I won't have to wait any longer.
What am I most excited for in this new film? I think the words "Justin Timberlake in a banana hammock" cover it (or maybe not). Just seeing that in the preview was enough to convince me. Sure Jessica Alba's in it and that's a huge negative, but what can you do? She's in and we'll just have to wait until the collagen in her lips explode or something (again, freak lips) and then she'll be uncool.

Get Smart was also released today. Steve Carell is funny, The Rock is awkward, and Anne Hathaway shows her boobs in Brokeback Mountain. So all in all this should be a good family flick with lots of laughs and a few unsure-if-I-should-laugh mumbles.

That's pretty much it for Friday the 20th of June. Let's zip back to the future for some awesome goodies!

Underrated movie of the post: Haven. Never heard of it? Neither had I until I was surfing Netflix a year or so ago and decided to add it due to the fact that Orlando Bloom was in it. It is actually a decent movie and worth seeing once. I have to give props to Bill Paxton who also stars. Orlando gives another "eh" performance, but all in all it's a good one.

Movies to see: Love Guru for sure and Get Smart if you have time. Don't even bother with Brokeback. It's...yeah. Okay so it was actually well put together and good during a majority of it. Michelle Williams does a kickass job and, until Dark Knight comes out (July 18), it is the movie that Heath Ledger will be remembered for. And add Haven to the bottom of your Netflix and let it slowly rise to the top to surprise you in the mail one day. That's how it happened for me and I liked it.

Mike Myers was in Shrek 2 with Antonio Banderas who was in Interview with a Vampire with Brad Pitt who was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon: 3 steps

Now who knows when I will write another, but I don't want you sitting at your computer waiting anxiously. Strike that, I do.

Ska-doosh!

Kung Fu Panda was an all around success. There were many actors advertised with the film, but my favorites were the ones that aren't well known enough. Seth Rogen, from such classics as Knocked Up and Superbad, was Master Mantis and David Cross was Master Crane. Older generations probably have no idea who these two are and that is why I have provided a links underneath my "About Me" section. The first is International Movie Database (imdb for future reference). This site is a magical land full of movie and TV wonder. Back to the movie. Angelina Jolie plays Master Tigress and is pretty much a bee-otch throughout. Lucy Liu is a cute little snake and Jackie Chan himself is Master Monkey who hardly talks during the movie so he was pretty much a let down. All in all, though, it was a good movie and fun for all ages.

Anyway, I've decided to focus the rest of this post on "children's" movies and how older generations enjoy them too. Now-a-days, kids' movies are actually being tailored toward adults as well. Sure it's a cartoon, but the innuendos that only humans above the age of fifteen are hilarious. My main examples are the Shrek movies. The cartoons and funny voices distract the young ones while the jokes entertain the adults.

You many be feeling awkward going to see a kids' movie with a small child present, but I can assure you this is not necessary. In fact, small children tend to take away from the experience. That is why many theaters will have later showings of these movies where there will be less crying babies. And, let's face it, sometimes there is nothing at the box office worth watching except for that cute movie about a cartoon robot (Wall-E releasing June 27). So grab a friend/significant other/parent/or even a child if you are so inclined and enjoy a good cartoon every once in a while.

Fun Stuff

Underrated Movie of the post: The Little Mermaid. This movie is spectacular and the music is so good that you will probably want it to get stuck in your head. I know that I love blasting "Under the Sea" in my car and no Disney song is more romantic than "Kiss the Girl". There is also humor in there, such as when Ariel says, "I'm sixteen years old, Daddy, I'm not a child". Good one! So you should definitely buy this sucker before Disney goes all Nazi and sticks it back in the vault. Who knows when it will be released after that or what inflation will have done to the price?!

Movies to see: Kung Fu Panda is a joy for the whole family or just you, whichever. Knocked Up and Superbad will have you rolling on the ground in tears of silly joy. Seth Rogen is superb. Wall-E is also one to see, I know I'm going to. And lastly, refresh yourself with The Little Mermaid and the Shrek trilogy. You shall laugh, I guarantee it.

Seth Rogen was in was in Superbad with Jonah Hill who was in Strange Wilderness with Steve Zahn who was in You've Got Mail with Meg Ryan who was in In the Cut with Kevin Bacon: 4 steps.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a ska-doosh.

Angelina Shmangelina

Thanks to my dearest of uncles, I was reminded that I hadn't discussed any of my views on the Hollywood actresses. I shall rectify this mistake with glee.

Angelina Jolie - Sure, she's a babe...sometimes. What everyone in this world needs to realize is that when the cameras aren't on this woman, she is just that, a regular, average woman. I'd really hate to do this to all of the guys out there that put her up on a pedestal, but Angelina Jolie gets her period. She is most likely just as moody, bitchy, and crazy as all of your respective mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, etc. She is not a goddess. Plus, her huge lips are freakish.

Carmen Electra - Pretty much she's good looking, but her career is in the toilet. She does Taco Bell and some kind of gum commericial and the only movies I've seen her in are those stupid Epic Movie and Superhero Movie both of which were stupid. I mean, even Eva Longoria has been in a movie worth some respect (The Sentinal). So I think that basically sums up how I feel about Carmen Electra: stupid and highly overrated.

Stacey "Fergie" Ferguson - I know she doesn't have anything to do with movies (yet) but I just have one question: How did this chick nab Josh Duhamel from every other woman in the world? Everytime I've ever seen her she is wearing way, way, way too much make-up. I'm sure the world, including her sexy fiancee, wouldn't recognize her if she went au natural for a day.

These three are the only ones I can think of to critique at the moment since my mind is preoccupied with the impending Kung Fu Panda (expect an amazing post on that one tomorrow). But if I have missed a guy or girl that you want to hear my amazing and yearned-for opinion on, by all means, let me know.

Goodies!

Underrated Movie of this post: The Day After Tomorrow. Let's face it, if Al Gore has his way this movie is pretty much what's going to happen. You should all watch it and prepare accordingly. Other than its amazing predicting skills, it is an all-around enjoyable and exciting movie. I just hope I'm the lucky individual stuck in some snowed-in library with Jake Gyllanhaal.

Movies to watch: Just The Sentinal and Day After Tomorrow, I guess. I didn't really mention anything else worth seeing. The Sentinal is pretty action packed from what I remember even though it is a government conspiracy-type movie. Michael Douglas and Keifer Sutherland star and Eva Longoria is just there sometimes to make the other two look old and decrepit.

Carmen Electra was in Superhero Movie with Drake Bell who was in Drake and Josh with Josh Peck who was in Drillbit Taylor With Owen Wilson who was in Wedding Crashers with Vince Vaughn who was in The Break-Up with Jennifer Aniston who was in Picture Perfect with Kevin Bacon: 6 steps. I told you she wasn't in anything.

Movies I own: 138 (New addition: National Treasure 2)

Until next time, my loyal and unwavering readers.

Mc-Not-That-Dreamy

Okay, so as I promised at the end of the last post I am going to talk about actors and actresses that are overrated or underrated in the looks department. It may sound a little shallow that I would devote an entire post to this, but I'm going for funny here so bear with me.

Patrick Dempsey - I'm as big a fan for Grey's Anatomy as the next person with a uterus is, but I just don't understand all the hype over "McDreamy". I know that he was pretty good-looking as a younger man, but I think it's a little weird to see females my age and younger swoon whenever he comes on screen. I'm so very sorry, but he isn't that good looking!

Jeffrey Dean Morgan - Now if you want a hot actor from Grey's, look no further than Denny. Even when he was pale and sickly-looking, Patrick Dempsey could not hold a candle to this man. Don't believe me? Check out the second season of Grey's or P.S. I Love You or the upcoming Accidental Husband.

Harry Connick, Jr. - I have been in numerous arguments with my aunts and female cousins over the supposed "sexiness" of Harry Connick, Jr. Sure he can sing (which is a major plus), but I recently saw him in P.S. I Love You and he was not looking so hot. In fact, he was awkward looking. Now, I'm told that I will not fully appreciate Mr. Connick, Jr. until I see the movie Hope Floats all the way through, but I just don't see how seeing an older movie will erase the image of what he looks like today.

Robert Downey, Jr. - This man is a much better Jr. if you ask me. Sure he's had his bouts with alcohol, drugs and hookers, but what self-respecting Hollywood actor hasn't? The fact is that he's most likely not doing any of those things any more because he's back in the making movies business. Harry Connick, Jr. didn't age half as gracefully as this man who is still a looker. And he's funny! So go see Ironman and the upcoming Tropic Thunder where he plays a white guy playing a black guy! A winner all around.

Shia LeBeouf - I may become very unpopular with girls my age, but I don't really care because Shia LeBeouf annoys me. It's not that he's not a good actor, I can appreciate him for that, I just don't think he's as good looking as everyone and their mom seems to think. Honestly, he looked rather ridiculous in Indiana Jones 4 with the slicked back hair and the motorcycle, but that didn't stop every other girl in the theater from either gasping in awe or cat-calling the enormous screen.

Garrett Hedlund - If you want a looker, look no further. Most, if not all, of you probably have no idea who this kid is, but you've probably seen him around. He's one of those all-American good looking guys and he's been in movies with some A-list actors yet hasn't gotten the majority of the chick vote like he deserves. Rent Troy, Death Sentence, Georgia Rule, Friday Night Lights, or Eragon. He's the hot one that puts most of the other guys to shame (Naked Brad Pitt excluded).

Thus ends my rant on Hollywood men. I hope it wasn't too intense. If so, the fun stuff is yet to come!

Underrated movie of the blog: The Fifth Element. Frankly, anything with Bruce Willis is worth seeing at least once, but I find it difficult to get even my parents to sit down with this movie. The facts are that this movie is action-packed, hilarious, and highly enjoyable. This is a cult classic that is quickly fading into the periphery! So rent it or even buy it. You shan't be disappointed.

Movies to see: The Fifth Element, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, North Country, Death Sentence, Ironman, P.S. I Love You, and Georgia Rule if you are feeling too sane and you need a little confusion in your life.

Patrick Dempsey was in Made of Honor with Michelle Monaghan who was in North Country with Sean Bean (pronounced: seen bean) who was in Troy with Brad Pitt who was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon: 4 steps.

Next time I will discuss Orlando Bloom and some movie called Haven if I get around to watching it. Either that or American Gangster.

I've Joined The Nerds

Incredible Happenings in Hours of the Caribbean

Many of you may remember the atrocity that was Hulk back in 2003 with the horrendous Eric Bana taking the role of Bruce Banner. You may be remembering how boring this movie was and may feel hesitant when it comes to seeing the sequel, Incredible Hulk. Allow me to squash those fears right now with just one name: Edward Norton. Yes. You are very excited now aren't you? As well you should be. Edward Norton is about seventeen flights of steps up from Eric Bana simply because of how amazing he is. If you do not understand, please see the bottom of this blog. There is a list there of fantabulous movies where this man blows your mind.
The movie itself was awe inspiring. There were a plethora of scenes where things exploded in fiery joyness. Even the CGI Hulk was better looking than the first! I am surprised to say that as I was watching it, I thought it was much longer than it was. The movie began at midnight and credits rolled at 2am. If you subtract the fifteen or so minutes of previews you are left with a relatively short film. It did not seem that way, however, because every scene was relevant and action-packed. This is a good film to take your father, boyfriend, brother, or smelly hobo to. Whatever it takes, see this movie!

Next, I recently went to see another movie that opened this weekend, The Happening. M. Night Shyamalan (pronounced: sha-ma-la-ma-la-ma-la) pulled another amazing film out of his you-know-where to join the ranks (see below list if you have been living under a rock for the past decade). I was terrified, horrified, but to intrigued to look away. And by the end I was not disappointed. If you do not know, good ol' Marky Mark starred in this beauty along with Zooey Deschanel and John Leguizamo. Three great actors, one crazy-ass writer/director, and people falling off of buildings. What more could one ask for?

On the DVD end of the spectrum, I recently got The Hours through Netflix. Although, their prediction said that I wasn't going to enjoy it, I did, thoroughly. It stars Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, and Nicole Kidman who won best actress for her role. I highly suggest this movie. It can be slightly depressing so I suggest that you do not watch it when you are unequivocally happy for fear it might ruin your high.

Lastly, at the end of all my posts, I shall include some fun tidbits to lighten the mood of the blog in case I get all crazy and ranty above.

Underrated movie of the blog: Pirates of the Caribbean 1. No one has spoken of this movie since the disappointing sequels came out, but you should run home and watch it because it is still amazing. So good.

List of Movies you need to see to fully understand this post:
Edward Norton: Fight Club, Italian Job, The Illusionist, American History X
M. Night Shyamalan: Signs, Lady in the Water, Unbreakable, Sixth Sense, The Village
Incredible Hulk (no need to see the first, in fact, you'll probably prefer not to),
The Happening, The Hours, and Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.

Number of Movies I currently own: 137

Edward Norton was in Fight Club with Brad Pitt who was in Sleepers with Kevin Bacon: 2 steps

Next time on the Ashley Skelnik's Blog Show: Ashley discusses which celebrities are good looking and why or why not. Stay tuned for your local news and weather.

Ashley Skelnik's Blog Show was typed in the security of her room with no audience because, let's face it, no one really cares.